he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
