I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
