Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
