oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
