did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
