my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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