Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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