Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
