i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you inspire me to be a worse person
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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