The maid of honor just puked.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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