exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
