A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
