The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize