matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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