Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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