She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
