Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
