We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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