My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
