So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
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This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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