Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.