Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.