Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just pee around me
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle