I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
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So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.