last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
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I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
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If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it