I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
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I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.