Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
