google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
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This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
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A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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