there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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