I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
