So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
