Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles