I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So much rum. So many feels.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle