if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick