Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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