woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
a search helicopter?!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
