News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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