i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Text me some of your sweat
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
