Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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