Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.