and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
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Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
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also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.