My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.