i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
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My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
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I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.