Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
