Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
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Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
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Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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