you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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