Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
