Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
