ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
