I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I party with great urgency now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
