So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
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Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
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my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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