every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
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I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
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We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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