he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize