oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
