I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
