She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize