I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
