Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
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