and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
