"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
